Grand Coulee Dam – the Best Laser Show on Earth

Washington State could be the best state ever invented. I mean how many states are named after our first president? Exactly.

Most foreigners know Washington for the Space Needle, coffee, Microsoft and our terrible sports teams. Popular games like Pictionary, Pickle-ball (They named it after their dog Pickle, who would fetch the ball) and Cranium were all invented in Washington. There are also many hidden gems throughout the state, especially in Eastern Washington.

The Zillah teapot gas station.

1. The oldest operating gas station in the United States is in Zillah. Yes, it looks like a teapot, but sorry pervs – hot girls in lingerie don’t serve coffee from it.

2. Spokane was the smallest city in size to host a World’s Fair in 1974. They are now known as the meth capital of America.

Spokan is the meth capital of the world.

3. The Hanford Works atomic energy plant was opened in 1943 and played a major role in the construction of the nation’s atomic bombs.

Homer Simpson works at Hanford.

4. During the Great Depression, a series of hydroelectric dams were constructed along the Columbia river as part of a project to increase the production of electricity. This culminated in 1941 with the completion of the Grand Coulee Dam, the largest dam in the United States.

Grand Coulee Dam has the best laser light show on earth.

One of the hottest attractions of the great Northwest is the Laser Light Show at Grand Coulee Dam!

Imagine this…you’re looking at one of the largest dams in the world, laser beams shooting everywhere, and you’re surrounded by old people – I mean REALLY old people. That’s how it feels to be a part of this legendary 37 minute futuristic laser show. It might be over 20 years old, but it has stood the test of time. The laser graphics take you back to the days of 8-bit Nintendo games and are simply amazing. Many a time have I caught myself thinking, “When is Mario going to save the princess?”

Some kid about to enjoy the Grand Coulee Dam laser show.
Some kid about to enjoy the laser show.

Now there are a few things that are annoying about this dam propaganda show. The clever creators decided, “Hey, let’s have the Columbia River talk in first person so it feels like the water is actually talking!” The show starts with a thundering voice exclaiming, “I am the mighty Columbia!” and then goes on and on about how awesome of river it is. It makes the river sound kind of cocky. The Columbia River needs to remember he’ll always be number two behind the Mississippi.

The laser show creators put the “grand” in grand finale. In the final minutes they bring in the big guns. This is the icing on the cake: the legendary Neil Diamond blasts through the speakers, singing, “We’re Coming to America.” As the music plays red, white and blue laser graphics fly like crazy all over the dam. It’s times like this that make me proud to be an American. For all those Canadians who come to watch, it rubs it in their face hard.

Neil Diamond - Coming to America

The next time you losers are in the Great Northwest, head up to the dam and enjoy the show. You haven’t lived until you experienced this stuff.

6 thoughts on “Grand Coulee Dam – the Best Laser Show on Earth”

  1. Shocking that you made it through this whole post without a single “dam” joke. I don’t know if I am impressed or left wanting…

  2. Hey, GREAT DAM post.

    And ya know what … I’ve seen many Canadians dance to Neil’s tune during the show, too.

    “I am the mighty Columbia!” played for the last time Saturday night. New show next year, ($1.6 million dam dollars worth).

    I am glad you enjoyed your visit.



    One of the Dam Guides. 🙂

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