TWEEKED – Best Tweets of the Week for July 13-20

What do Marshawn Lynch, Rush Limbaugh, and Comic-Con have in common? Find out in our latest edition of TWEEKED – Best Tweets of the Week!

Best Tweets of the Week for July 13-20, 2012

Why does my dog look like Rod Stewart?
bob saget


I hope jocks don't find out about Comic Con because I don't think SD has enough toilet bowls for the amount of swirlies they will dish out.
sean oconnor


I don't know who this "Shawty" lady is, but she apparently has a lot of rapper boyfriends.
Not Will Ferrell


Tap-Out t-shirts are a walking billboard for abusive relationships.
albertina rizzo

They truly are the dirty white tank tops of this generation.

Vegetarian, the old Indian word for suck at hunting.
Daniel Tosh


Just saw a guy with a Great Gatsby tattoo reading The Great Gatsby. It's like, we believe you.
Eli Yudin


I gotta say, The Cantina Bowl is the most disappointing item I've ever had at Taco Bell. Who's runnin' the ship over there, soccer moms?
Karl Welzein


Movie Pitch - Mark Wahlberg plays a tough guy from boston and we'll figure the rest of it out as we go.
Chris Cubas


Just saw a guy getting jumped. I was going to help him out, but he was wearing Crocs.
Chris Rock


My cat ate her breakfast then vomited it all up. I'm a little worried about her health but she does look awesome in a bikini.
Robin McCauley


Heard my mom use the word "bromance" and it felt like a knife to the gut.
Mary Charlene

Brody Jenner would understand.

Brody Jenner and Bromance are on TWEEKED the Best Tweets of the Week.


When I say, "I love your face tattoo" I actually mean, "You didn't earn that for killing anybody did you?" Also, "I'll take a Chai latte"
Jenny Mollen


Nets sign Kris Humphries to a 10-marriage long contract.
The Fake ESPN


Lol RT @: Keep your life in a positive perspective. We are not defined by our pasts.


I don’t mean to brag but I have to admit I do make parenting look pretty hard.
Jim Gaffigan


I hate what happens to me when I see a T-shirt cannon.

I bet this guy hates it even more.

Every day is Friday the 13th at an airport TGI Friday's.
Chase Mitchell


Santana: "What's something smooth?"Rob Thomas: "The ocean! Under the moon!"Santana: "...we can use that til we think of something better."
Aaron Fullerton


Looking to update my wardrobe does anybody know where gang members get those airbrushed tee shirts they wear to funerals?


Earth Wind and a Carelessly Tossed Cigarette Out The Window #EarlierVersionsOfBands


Someone more attractive than you shares your talents
Josh Patten


Buys temperpedic bed. Spills wine.
Bad Luck Brian

Bad Luck Brian must not have jumped in the right spot. (And there’s no way that chick is landing a back flip):

Tempur-Pedic Wine Glass Test


One time I smashed my face into the keyboard and accidentally wrote the 4th Twilight book.
Funny Tweets


My favorite Pearl Jam song is the one where Eddie Vedder is all 'mmslhd mmsmmhmm dmm tllmm'
Kyle Lippert


Why am I on my porch grilling steak in my underwear? Stop asking so many questions and just enjoy the show.
Pauly Casillas


I've got 99 problems and they're all FABULOUS! ~ Gay-Z
Fill Werrell


The Olympics is a collection of sports not played seriously since television started.
CJ Werleman


My dad gave my girlfriend "Alvin in the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" as a bday gift...just so you know where my relationship is at.
Jake Plunkett


Any uniform that involves a beret is already problematic.
Zach Braff

Tweeked the best tweets of the week talks about the awful berets that Team USA wears.


I don't have love handles. I have HATE handles.
Fat Danzig


I wonder how many nerds returned home from COMIC-CON to learn their parents had rented out the basement.
Charlie Bonomo

Comic-Con tweets of the week.


I only watch reality TV for the time lapse sunsets.
Christine Nangle


I bet coke addicts only get worse once they try the cherry kind.
Joe Bizness


Marshawn Lynch arrested for DUI after washing his Skittles down with 8 beers.
Faux John Madden


The producers of #TheBachelorette certainly know their way around a candle store.
Jason Biggs


Oh you found a logged in Facebook account? Tell me more about how awesome you are at hacking
Condescending Wonka


It's official...I am a worst case scenario.
Nicole Aimée Schreib


.@ You should read up on Bane. He's an oversized drug-addict with anger issues who's been popular since the 90s. You'd love him.
Chase Mitchell

Rush Limbaugh said ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ villain Bane represents a deliberate attack on Mitt Romney since he shares the same name of the venture capital firm that Romney ran (Bain). Never mind that Bane was introduced almost 20 years ago by DC Comics.

Watching Cops and I'm pissed no one told me fanny packs are back in style.
Meat Balloon

Haven’t you heard? Fanny packs are NOT just a fad.

When I finally fall in love, I want there to be fireworks (& another person).
lauren caltagirone


There's gotta be one guy at every Westboro Baptist church activities meeting who's like, "I think we're getting a little off track here."
Karen Kilgariff


Pretty sure all the Step Up movies are made by an intern with a studio credit card no one is keeping track of.
albertina rizzo


If you watch Hoarders backwards it's about this terrible company 1-800-GOT-JUNK that fills peoples' houses with garbage & rotten food.


Just planted a bunch of dead horses on the set of THE NEWSROOM. Fingers crossed!
Patrick Walsh

Yeah, good “Luck” with that.

I've found there are actually some very talented drummers on subway platforms that hate having their buckets kicked onto the train tracks.
Eli Terry


unfollow me if you truly believe that top gun is a better jet movie than iron eagle. if top gun is so great, why didn't they make 4 of them?
daniel tosh


An organization made entirely of men that wear scarfs and sow badges onto vests won’t let gays join
Sean Gabay


Delonte West called Dez Bryant's mom to ask if she needs some "healing."


Talk to me, loser.

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