What do James Bond, Voldemort, and Ralph Lauren have in common? They’re all part of TWEEKED! The best tweets of the 2012 Olympics!
NBC plans to air the film Seven after Olympics conclude, promote it by showing Gwyneth Paltrow's head is in the box.
I'm sorry England, ima let you finish, but China's opening ceremonies was the greatest of all time. #Olympics
The parade of nations must have gone much, much quicker at the Ancient Olympics: Greece, done.
If drunk dancing is an event, the independent Olympic athletes have to be favorites.
"The vast number of athletes you see here will not win a medal." --Matt Lauer, Motivational Speaker #Olympics
Dizzy Rascal, as the only Earthling to ever rap at the Olympics, is now the greatest rapper of all times.
why look through a dead woman with a bingo addiction's closet for a usa windbreaker when theres one for $110 on the olympics website
Also, does this mean that The Queen is a Bond girl? If so, that's excellent. Knighthoods all round.
My favorite part of the Opening Ceremonies was when nobody talked about Chick-Fil-A for four hours straight.
Someone has to say it: This Mr. Bean stuff is why you lost the Revolutionary War, guys.
Can we admit that Beijing pretty much ruined opening ceremonies for everyone else?
Just when you thought Kobe couldn't look any more "rapey", they put a beret on him. God bless America. #OlympicCeremony
Watching London’s opening ceremonies. Hard to believe my ancestors were conquered by theirs.
I feel bad for other countries because their olympians have no compelling stories worth hearing about. #NBC
I would appeal to the judges with a nice Pottery Barn gift card. More thoughtful than cash.
"Hey man, lets start a band." "NO! Lets start a synchronized dive team bro."
I want to see a gymnast do that on an actual horse
Gonna suck when those broke American Olympians try to sell their gold medals to cash for gold and find out they're 92% silver.
I bet Randy Johnson could have been the greatest team Handball player in the history of the world. #bigunit
Watching the Olympics is a great way to see someone else's dreams die for a change. http://t.co/D4IbKwpl
Watching the Olympics on NBC is like watching BREAKING BAD on Monday.
LeBron James makes me want to root against my own country. Man, I really AM from Cleveland, aren't I?
For every gold medal Greece wins it will increase its GDP by 1000%.
The Olympics are proof that with hard work and dedication, you can be in a VISA commercial.
Think we can all agree that the Australian Gymnastics Team has consistently presented the best variety of sparkle eye make-up.
Gymnast hugs look like the worst hugs on Earth.
After the uneven bars the chinese gymnasts have to go sew US Olympic uniforms for Ralph Lauren.
How hard can something be if the best people in the world at it are teenagers? #olympics
I like rooting for foreign teenage girls to fail.
I imagine Jordyn Wieber is going to get torn apart tomorrow on gymnastics talk radio.
Crazy how gymnasts have enough time in their training schedule to record all the voices for the Chipmunks movies.
If I hosted the #Olympics, the opening ceremony would be me playing soduko on my iPad with my pants unbuttoned.
whoever said “it’s a small world” has never had to sit through the country parade in the Olympic opening ceremony
MIKE SCULLYMy kids walked in while I was watching women’s beach volleyball so I had to quickly switch over to porn.
I can't believe the Opening Ceremony announcers had the balls to say Voldemort's name.
The only way I can watch men's beach volleyball is if Goose dies later. #Olympics
"Skeet shooting is not what I thought it was" -- every rapper. #Olympics
The best guy in the world at archery isn't at the Olympics; he's in a one-room cabin in Montana sorting through toenail clippings.
Olympics have me inspired. What r ur hopes and dreams? I want to not die at a Residence Inn
McDonalds sponsoring the Olympics is like the Kardashians sponsoring a job fair.
The only thing consoling Michael Phelps right now is a kiddie pool of Subway guacamole.
When is slowly moving on the elliptical while watching TV going to be an Olympic event?
If remembering people's names was an Olympic sport, my parents didn't love me.
Sooner or later a dolphin is going to get his nose stuck in a discarded Olympics logo and suffocate.
Beijing: Okay, let's be classy and do things properly. London: YOLO let's get a 40ft Voldemort and Mr Bean to play the keyboard.
Phelps just swam like a dude who likes weed and subway sandwiches.