TWEEKED - Tweets of the Week for July 6th to July 13th, 2012 for losers.

TWEEKED – Best Tweets of the Week for July 6-13

What do Katy Perry, Adrian Peterson, and Whitesnake have in common? Find out in our latest edition of TWEEKED – Best Tweets of the Week!

Best Tweets of the Week for July 6-13, 2012

Today is National Kissing Day, or as they call it in West Virginia; Siblings Day.
Not Bill Walton


According to this drain, all of Whitesnake has secretly been using my shower.

I didn’t know snakes had hair. Is this love that I’m feeling?

Sad that we'll never know what kind of Call Me Maybe parody John Lennon would have written.
Chase Mitchell


Big families are like waterbed stores. They used to be everywhere now they are just weird.
Jim Gaffigan


Chumbawamba broke up today, so make sure to pour out a whiskey drink tonight. Or a vodka drink. Or a cider drink.
Tyler Huckabee

If you haven’t read this tribute to Chumbawamba yet, you need to.

Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to a baby girl. She has only been alive an hour & Kris Jenner already sold her first boo boo pictures to TMZ.
Skip Sayless


Looking forward to reporting to training camp on July 26th. Hard work and Dedication.
Adrian Peterson

Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson’s last tweet before this happened:

people who set off fireworks on July 5th have a favorite wrestler.
Morgan Murphy


In case anyone's looking for a husband, I heard Tom Cruise is hiring.
Mike Birbiglia

Check out the best TomKat divorce tweets. Don’t worry, the Scientologists aren’t watching you.


So cool how I never have to say I want 47 broccoli and two pieces of beef when I order Chinese food. They just know.
Travon Free


It's so racist how they always call Venus and Serena "sisters."
Andrew Hibbard


Even when Tom Cruise plays a guy paralyzed from the chest down, he has two sprinting scenes.
Alec Sulkin



Why does the guy on Man vs. Food wear such a giant watch? "Oh shoot, it's half past I'm disgusting."
Max Silvestri


Hey ladies, we're here to steal your boyfriends. Sincerely, Modern Warfare 3.
Funny Tweets


Asked for a ticket for Magic Mike because I was too embarrassed to admit that I was really going to see the Katy Perry movie.
Bryan Donaldson

I told myself I would only see Magic Mike if it was in 4-D. I want to be able to smell Channing.

So, I just cry on camera and my village gets a new school?
Third World Kid


"Shakespeare sucks" - 16th century hipster
Michael Ian Black


Does it disturb anyone else that "The Los Angeles Angels" baseball team translates directly to "The The Angels Angels"?
Neil deGrasse Tyson


I am going to 'The Annual Sarcasm Convention' tomorrow.......What an inventive name.


I'm not busy if you want to go get some lunch or married.
Crazy Girlfriend


Rappers shouldn't have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs.
Damien Fahey

Are gold plated tanks deductible if you use them to drive to work? Make em say uggghhh!


just got told I look like I "just got off the beach" which is probably a nicer way to say rehab
c0reY aNN cLaRk


If Mitt Romney had Morgan Freeman's voice he'd be unbeatable.
Albert Brooks


Eating a beefburger, drinking a milkshake and wearing a leather jacket. A cow just saw me and fell to the floor in tears
Weird Horse


I would send my kid there if he wanted to go he wasn't rappin football players that's a great program that joe pa ran
Roddy White

Joe Pa teaching anyone to rap would also be a tragedy.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz


Kourtney Kardashian Gives Birth To Four-Hour E! Special
Chase Mitchell


When people say, "I eat to live, I don't live to eat" I wish they would stop doing both.
Amy Schumer


This whole Tosh situation reminds me of the night the family of watermelons saw a Gallagher show.
Paul Scheer


In black culture "boo" means boyfriend or girlfriend, so congrats to Mitt Romney!
Jason Mustian

Ghost Town DJ’s figured this out a long time ago, people.

Ghost Town DJ's - My Boo

When I become president I'm locking the inventor of the McGriddle in a room until he comes up with ten more delicious ideas.
Brandon McCarthy


Ray Allen to the Miami Heat? It's official, using Miami in 2K13 will be like using a cheat code.
Not Will Ferrell


Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle.
Jenny Johnson


golden rule is hard, is there a silver rule
B.J. Novak


Chumbawamba have broken up. This is a sad day for, um, well... the members of Chumbawamba.
Deep Fried Man


See if those kids that were rioting after Joe Pa was fired want a mulligan? #PSU
Sean Brace

The Joe Pa statue makes Penn State look like a loser in our tweets of the week.


So you have to eat all your BROCCOLI, because of me ?!!
Third World Kid


I can hardly imagine how hot 90s Fran Drescher was to deaf dudes
Eli Braden


Every season of Breaking Bad should end with the sound of a microphone being dropped.
Sean Gabay


Maybe Kurt Cobain killed himself because he knew he was going to eventually write a Christmas album.
Kyle Kinane


Just so we’re clear, mango is dead to me.

Talk to me, loser.

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