TWEEKED! The Best Presidential Debate Tweets
Posted on October 5, 2012 by dirty:: south
I never watch the Presidential Debates for the same reasons I don’t watch beauty pageants, those singing and dancing competitions, and most award shows — they’re too predictable.
Now, don’t get me wrong … I definitely care about the elections and who the President is, but watching the process can often be excruciating, and boring, and terrible. To draw similar comparisons, it’s the equivalent of pretending to care about how some 19-year old girl wants world peace when all I want to see is the swimsuit competition, or hearing Mary Murphy do her “hot tamale train” scream, or YEAAAAAAH One Direction!!! YES OF COURSE THOSE GIRLS SHOULD WIN AGAIN!!!!!
The best part about having to never watch the debates is that Al Gore invented the Internet. I don’t have to sit there for 2 hours listening to both candidates jabber about the economy and how they can take the 3.5558% jobless rate, and divide it by the $80 trillion dollars we owe to China, and then multiply the cost of inflation by the square root of Pi – carry the 2 – then we can lower the budget by $5 million dollarzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz – errr, falling asleep. Please, if I wanted to WATCH a math lesson I would register for the University of Phoenix.
Thankfully, I can skip all of that and just catch the highlights of what happened. And when I say “catch the highlights” I mean I looked on Facebook and Twitter. Most people hate reading social media during election time (and if we’re being honest…political Facebook rants in general) to the point where they block some of their “friends” until the elections are over. Nope…not me, haters. I say bring it on. Give me a solid ten paragraphs as your status update. It saves me from having to read a newspaper (I know, what are those?), or watch the news, or read TIME magazine, or spend even a nanosecond watching FOX news or CNN, or…well, you get the point.
Plus, isn’t it just payback for when sports fans post about every play during
the Superbowl any football game? Yes, I know it’s shocking that no one cares about how Cal-State Polytech University beat Westminster Tech on a last second field, or how your fantasy football team sucks because TEBOW WHY CAN’T YOU JUST RUN FOR 7 MORE YARDS!!!! (yes, I shamelessly used Tebow on purpose).
For example, I spent 10 minutes on Twitter and gathered this much about the debates:
1. Obama was “celebrating” his 20th anniversary.
And by “celebrating”, I mean arguing with another man. Uh, side note on this: If most men ever spent their anniversary with anyone other than their wife they would be murdered.
2. I guess Mitt Romney “won” the
And by “won” I mean he sounded less like an idiot than Obama did on this particular night. Yeah, according to Twitter Obama sounded like the 2007 South Carolina Miss Teen USA contestant.
3. Mitt Romney “lied” a lot. Apparently…A WHOLE LOT.
And by “lied” I mean that Democrats said he lied…a lot.
4. The moderator guy, Jim Lehrer, “sucked” and had no control over the candidates.
And by “sucked” I mean he actually lost the debate and not Obama.
5. MITT ROMNEY WANTS TO “KILL” BIG BIRD!!!!!
And by “kill” I mean he just doesn’t want the government to pay for Big Bird’s show anymore. (Plus, if you’re going to kill one of the puppets from Sesame Street, we all know it should be Elmo).
Get it? Because Obama LOVES Big Bird and would NEVER kill him.
But you know who IS killing it? The Gregory Brothers auto-tune of the debate:
So classic. Ok, now here’s the best tweets about the first Presidential Debate of Mitt and Obama: