The Presidential Elections are over, and whether you agree with the outcome or not, one thing is for sure – everyone’s moving to Canada.
Ok, maybe not EVERYONE – just the people who really really hate Obama. And honestly, it’s just a very small percentage of the people who hate Obama. And even then it’s really mostly empty threats. So I guess what I’m really saying is no one is moving to Canada.
So what’s wrong with Canada, eh? (Get it…because that’s what they say there). It’s clean, they love syrup, their money is super colorful, and… … …you get the point. CANADA IS AH-MAH-ZING!
Of course, you know the
thousands hundreds seven potheads who voted for Romney were already packing up their flannel shirt collection once they heard the news. And really it’s mostly because they think the Canadian flag looks like a giant marijuana leaf. But even they flaked out and either moved to Colorado or just stayed in Washington. (oh come on, just visit Western Washington University’s campus for 5 minutes and you’ll be like “oh…ok”).
But weed smokers weren’t the only “winners” on Election Day. This also marks the only time every four years that anyone cares about the state of Ohio. Now, Ohio don’t get jealous and say something stupid like “Oh yeah, what about Florida!” because everyone knows better. Florida has Disney World,
great decent sports teams, Miami Vice, and tons of diversity (aka old people and Cubans). And last time I checked Lebron was playing for the Heat and not the Cavs. Yep…went there.
Mitt Romney put up a valiant fight and should be remembered for many things beyond the ridiculous – yet equally awesome – “binders full of women” comment during their town hall debate.
Romney, if anything, cast an intriguing spotlight onto Mormon culture and a religion that many people still knew nothing about [ insert outdated polygamy joke here ]. And yep, looking directly at you, Whoopi Goldberg.
And let’s not forget one of the best Romney moments of the entire campaign, and it wasn’t even by Mitt. I end with Josh Romney reminding us why he would have NEVER needed a Secret Service agent.
And here is a collection of the best 2012 Presidential Election tweets. We’ll see you in four years Ohio. Never change.
Everyone's excitedly watching TV news at 7 PM. We are all 82 years old.
"If Obama gets reelected, I'm moving to Canada." Uhm, awks since he's already President and you're still here.
Ohio is the Winter Olympics of states - we sort of care about you every 4 years.
On your ballot, enter OBAMA-OBAMA-ROMNEY-ROMNEY-DOWN-DOWN-PAUL RYAN-START-SELECT to vote for the secret Will Smith / DJ Jazzy Jeff ticket.
The votes from Montana are in. The three people who live there finally finished fighting off the bear who was guarding the ballots.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan should be able to vote three times. #USA #USA #USA
Just found out those "I Voted!" stickers cost the taxpayer $300 million dollars a year.
I feel so bad for everyone in Ohio having to deal with all the political ads. As if it's not bad enough that they live in Ohio.
Election Night is Christmas season for catheter ads.
To everyone that says they are moving to Canada if Obama wins, why not Jamaica? It's much warmer...
I wonder if all these old ladies ever thought they'd be working the polls like this. #vote
I'm moving to Canada no matter who wins. It just seems nice.
What if Obama comes out for his acceptance speech and is like: I actually was born in Kenya.
i will bring the red states and blue states 2gether 2 make purple
SyFy Channel is reporting a 57% turnout of ice basilisks for Romney.
It's really cute that Wyoming has three electoral votes : D
good luck today Florida! try not to pull a "Florida"
I thought I was standing in line for Halo 4 but it was just this lame game where you fill out a scantron. Decent graphics, no multiplayer.
No republican candidate has ever won without Ohio. Ironically, no professional athlete has ever won with Ohio.
Today everyone will update about who they chose for president, then tomorrow it will be back to what they chose for lunch.
The only remaining path for Romney now includes winning Narnia and Xanadu.
romney really cleaning up in the states that dont have the internet
Whew, so relieved that Fox News is now blaming blacks, Latinos and women instead of me for a Romney loss. #Vote
Regardless of who you're voting for today, do the right thing & write me in for Michigan Drain Commissioner. The madness must stop.
In Massachusetts I got to vote in favor of suicide and marijuana. The ballot was like the track list of a Black Sabbath album.
As soon as Romney won Utah a single tear ran down Karl Malone’s cheek.
THE RESULTS ARE IN IN OHIO: my step-cousin Jaden is OFFICIALLY the new day-shift manager of the Hardee's on Coleman Road. #CongratsBro #Ohio
I would not want to be Paul Ryan's abs right now.
If Romney wins I am moving America to Canada.
My cab driver told me Romney won. Can I trust this?
If Canada wins the election tomorrow, I'm moving to Mitt Romney's house.
The coolest scenario: Romney wins popular vote Obama wins electoral. Gore and Romney become best friends.
BREAKING: Apple Maps projecting Barack Obama to win Brazil.
People of Florida, stay in line. You can go to that cheesy dance club later.
If I bought stock in tiny American flags last week and sold right now, I would be a millionaire.
Congratulations to Barack Obama on becoming the first and second black president of the United States.
I won the same amount of Ohio's as Mitt Romney and didn't spend a penny.
I feel bad for Paul Ryan's soloflex tomorrow.
I assume Obama supporters will be partying all night since they don't have a job to be at tomorrow morning.
Colorado voted to legalize marijuana, because apparently being a mile high already just isn't quite high enough. #election2012
There haven't been this many cameras in Ohio since LeBron announced he was signing with the Heat #Election2012 #22usavotes
I never got an offer to the electoral college, how good is their football team?
This election must be super weird for Bloods and Crips who can't read.
For those saying "if Obama wins I'm going to Australia" our PM is a single atheist woman & we have universal health care & mandatory voting.
Think that each state's choice should be announced by Roger Goodell with the winner hugging him and putting on the state cap...
Weirdest part of Romney's concession speech was when he said, "And as for tomorrow ... I dunno, maybe go see Here Comes The Boom?"
We're now at the part of the election that feels like watching a really long pregnancy test.
If Romney won, he said he would donate his salary to charity. Since Obama won, he will donate yours. #RomneyRyan2012
When do we get the "Women of the Electoral College Calendar"?
Linda McMahon lost but theyre already giving her a rematch at Wrestle Mania next year. #Election2012
All kidding aside, I hope everybody votes a bunch of times today.
Kinda disturbing not one black person in an Obama shirt or doing cart wheels on my walk to work today. It's like they don't even care!!
I guess Paul Ryan has to try and get his job back at Hollister now?
I'm so happy they've re-elected mayor Goldie Wilson!