Roald Dahl Day

So, apparently today (Sept 13) is Roald Dahl Day. I had no idea that even existed until this morning when twitter reminded me (Thank you, Twitter!). In order to honor him properly, I will be listing 5 different random things I want to write about him.

5. Gene Wilder is the best Willy Wonka

Here is a video of Johnny Depp playing Willy. Instead of being some awesome, yet crazy, chocolate producing tycoon, he is more of a weirdo, Michael Jackson-esque carnie. Aka he sucks.

The Wrongness of Willy Wonka

Now, here is a video of Gene Wilder, showing some controlled crazy person rage. You think Willy is an idiot, Grandpa Joe? “”Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum,” et cetera, et cetera…”Memo bis punitor delicatum!” It’s all there, black and white, clear as crystal!”

Gene Wilder Willy Wonka's famous rant – YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!

Also, the oompa loompas in the original are da bomb(s). The second abomination’s movie’s oompa loompas are just clones of the same weird, small, Mexican looking dude. “I don’t like the look of it.”

Original Old School Classic Oompa Loompa Music Videos

4. A scene from The Witches scarred me for life

Did you know that they made a film adaptation of Dahl’s The Witches in 1990? Well, they did. And I watched it one Sunday afternoon on TV when I was little and my parents were asleep. To this day, I’m too scared to go into a room full of old ladies (aka Relief Society) for fear that the following might happen:

The Witches Scary Scene

3. Dahl’s autobiography, Boy: Tales of Childhood, has the phrase “fagging”

And I thought it was sooo funny when I was in 5th grade. My friends and I would go to the school library and open the book to that page (you don’t believe me? click here and scroll to page 85). The we would proceed to giggle to each other. Immature and insensitive? Yes and yes, but it happened. Parents, teach your kids the importance of knowing the correct definition of fagging. Don’t let them think it’s something funny.

2. Rhinos can and will eat your parents

Whether that is a good or bad thing, is something that philosophers, physicists, zookeepers and pet detectives still debate today. Not only did the rhino eat 2 parents, but he/she ate them in “35 seconds flat”. That has to be some sort of parent eating record. Also, rhinos can turn into cloud forms of themselves and attack giant flying peaches full of insects and a small child. You’ve been warned.

The Rhino in James and the Giant Peach

1. I reenacted the Matilda cake scene once

When I was in elementary school of course. I’m pretty sure I was in 5th grade once again. (Funny story about being in 5th grade. One time, in Mr. Hammond’s class, I used to steal people’s pens and he made me sit in front of class and confess my sins of stealing to the rest of the class and they voted on whether or not I should get a demerit for it. Good times.) I sat in front of the class and pretended to eat a big chocolate cake.

And it was delicious.

We love you, Roald Dahl.

Bruce, bruce, bruce!

(Also, click here for a vid of the troll toll and his wife talking about Matilda talking to Regis and Kathie Lee about the flick)

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