2012 Olympics FAILS – The Agony of Defeat

They say everyone loves a winner, but I think everyone loves to see others fail as well. There’s something about seeing someone else’s dreams dash that makes you feel – if even just a little bit – better about your own life.

Failure on the Olympic level is the highest form you can reach. Most of these athletes have dedicated their entire life to the Olympics, and with one wrong move, one misstep, one loss, not only have their dreams of Olympic gold disappeared, but their entire life’s purpose comes into question. True, it can be hard to watch, and yet you don’t turn away, because deep down it gives you a little sense of relief (it’s okay to admit it).

The Olympics logo lighting up in sparks at the Opening Ceremonies.

The Best 2012 Olympics FAILS

Opening Ceremonies – aka “Independents” Day

We already knew the London opening ceremonies wouldn’t be better than China’s, but since everything on earth is made in China (including the USA’s dreadful berets), that shouldn’t come as a surprise.

The Queen becoming the next Bond girl should be the worst idea of the entire evening, but then I remembered 007 bedded Grace Jones in A View to a Kill and I decided that was waaaaay worse.

Mr. Bean wins in the Chariots of Fire parody at the Olympics.

Also awful was inserting Mr. Bean into the beach race scene from the 1981 Academy Award winning Chariots of Fire, which is the closest he will ever come to winning an Oscar…or a race, for that matter. Since this movie took place in the early 1900s I let it pass as “believable” since he was racing against other white people.

The giant Voldemort at the Olympics.

The giant Voldemort “He who must not be named” was impressive, but they took too many liberties with the storyline by having Marry Poppins kill him. [SPOILER ALERT: It was Harry Potter, oh and Snape killed Dumbledore] Plus, Harry might be pissed to find out he could have defeated Voldemort had he just researched the right umbrella and not wasted his time looking for Cracker Jack prizes.

The social media tie-in felt out of place and terribly inaccurate. Here you have a group of girls – all in the same room – and yet they only communicate with each other through texts and tweets. Like that has ever happened.

Plus, since when is England known for their rich history of the Internet? Nice fabrication.

Oh, I guess there’s that.

But the biggest FAIL goes to…

The Independent Olympic Athletes

Three athletes from the Netherlands Antilles (trivia: also the “winter home” of 80s WWF wrestler, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase) competed as “independents” after their country dissolved in 2010.

I felt bad that no other country wanted them…until I watched them dance.

I can dismiss the blonde white chick, but come on Independent Athletes, you had two brothers and that’s the best you could come up with? Even the Industrial Revolution guys in top hats had better moves.

The Industrial Revolution guys do a dance at the Olympics opening ceremonies.

And the biggest WIN of the Opening Ceremonies…

Beckham. On a boat. Nuff said.

David Beckham rides a boat like a boss for the Olympics.

NEXT UP: the best Archery FAILS of the 2012 London Olympics.

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Talk to me, loser.