TWEEKED – Best Tweets of the Week for July 13-20

What do Marshawn Lynch, Rush Limbaugh, and Comic-Con have in common? Find out in our latest edition of TWEEKED – Best Tweets of the Week!

Best Tweets of the Week for July 13-20, 2012

Why does my dog look like Rod Stewart?
@bobsaget
bob saget

 

I hope jocks don't find out about Comic Con because I don't think SD has enough toilet bowls for the amount of swirlies they will dish out.
@seanoconnz
sean oconnor

 

I don't know who this "Shawty" lady is, but she apparently has a lot of rapper boyfriends.
@itsWillyFerrell
Not Will Ferrell

 

Tap-Out t-shirts are a walking billboard for abusive relationships.
@albz
albertina rizzo

They truly are the dirty white tank tops of this generation.

Vegetarian, the old Indian word for suck at hunting.
@Danny_Tosh
Daniel Tosh

 

Just saw a guy with a Great Gatsby tattoo reading The Great Gatsby. It's like, we believe you.
@eliyudin
Eli Yudin

 

I gotta say, The Cantina Bowl is the most disappointing item I've ever had at Taco Bell. Who's runnin' the ship over there, soccer moms?
@DadBoner
Karl Welzein

 

Movie Pitch - Mark Wahlberg plays a tough guy from boston and we'll figure the rest of it out as we go.
@ChrisCubas
Chris Cubas

 

Just saw a guy getting jumped. I was going to help him out, but he was wearing Crocs.
@RealChris_Rock
Chris Rock

 

My cat ate her breakfast then vomited it all up. I'm a little worried about her health but she does look awesome in a bikini.
@RobinMcCauley
Robin McCauley

 

Heard my mom use the word "bromance" and it felt like a knife to the gut.
@IamEnidColeslaw
Mary Charlene

Brody Jenner would understand.

Brody Jenner and Bromance are on TWEEKED the Best Tweets of the Week.

 

When I say, "I love your face tattoo" I actually mean, "You didn't earn that for killing anybody did you?" Also, "I'll take a Chai latte"
@jennyandteets
Jenny Mollen

 

Nets sign Kris Humphries to a 10-marriage long contract.
@TheFakeESPN
The Fake ESPN

 

Lol RT @: Keep your life in a positive perspective. We are not defined by our pasts.
@RayJ
RayJ

 

I don’t mean to brag but I have to admit I do make parenting look pretty hard.
@JimGaffigan
Jim Gaffigan

 

I hate what happens to me when I see a T-shirt cannon.

I bet this guy hates it even more.

Every day is Friday the 13th at an airport TGI Friday's.
@ChaseMit
Chase Mitchell

 

Santana: "What's something smooth?"Rob Thomas: "The ocean! Under the moon!"Santana: "...we can use that til we think of something better."
@AaronFullerton
Aaron Fullerton

 

Looking to update my wardrobe does anybody know where gang members get those airbrushed tee shirts they wear to funerals?
@EireannDolan
EireannMichaelDolan

 

Earth Wind and a Carelessly Tossed Cigarette Out The Window #EarlierVersionsOfBands
@ZachsMind
ZachsMind

 

Someone more attractive than you shares your talents
@thejoshpatten
Josh Patten

 

Buys temperpedic bed. Spills wine.
@UnluckiestBrian
Bad Luck Brian

Bad Luck Brian must not have jumped in the right spot. (And there’s no way that chick is landing a back flip):

Tempur-Pedic Wine Glass Test

 

One time I smashed my face into the keyboard and accidentally wrote the 4th Twilight book.
@autocorrects
Funny Tweets

 

My favorite Pearl Jam song is the one where Eddie Vedder is all 'mmslhd mmsmmhmm dmm tllmm'
@Kyle_Lippert
Kyle Lippert

 

Why am I on my porch grilling steak in my underwear? Stop asking so many questions and just enjoy the show.
@PaulyPeligroso
Pauly Casillas

 

I've got 99 problems and they're all FABULOUS! ~ Gay-Z
@FillWerrell
Fill Werrell

 

The Olympics is a collection of sports not played seriously since television started.
@rationalists
CJ Werleman

 

My dad gave my girlfriend "Alvin in the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" as a bday gift...just so you know where my relationship is at.
@JakePlunkett
Jake Plunkett

 

Any uniform that involves a beret is already problematic.
@zachbraff
Zach Braff

Tweeked the best tweets of the week talks about the awful berets that Team USA wears.

 

I don't have love handles. I have HATE handles.
@FatDanzig
Fat Danzig

 

I wonder how many nerds returned home from COMIC-CON to learn their parents had rented out the basement.
@CharlieBonomo
Charlie Bonomo

Comic-Con tweets of the week.

 

I only watch reality TV for the time lapse sunsets.
@nanglish
Christine Nangle

 

I bet coke addicts only get worse once they try the cherry kind.
@theJoeBiz
Joe Bizness

 

Marshawn Lynch arrested for DUI after washing his Skittles down with 8 beers.
@FauxJohnMadden
Faux John Madden

 

The producers of #TheBachelorette certainly know their way around a candle store.
@JasonBiggs
Jason Biggs

 

Oh you found a logged in Facebook account? Tell me more about how awesome you are at hacking
@WiIIy_Wonka
Condescending Wonka

 

It's official...I am a worst case scenario.
@nicoleaimee
Nicole Aimée Schreib

 

.@ You should read up on Bane. He's an oversized drug-addict with anger issues who's been popular since the 90s. You'd love him.
@ChaseMit
Chase Mitchell

Rush Limbaugh said ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ villain Bane represents a deliberate attack on Mitt Romney since he shares the same name of the venture capital firm that Romney ran (Bain). Never mind that Bane was introduced almost 20 years ago by DC Comics.

Watching Cops and I'm pissed no one told me fanny packs are back in style.
@TheBlessMess
Meat Balloon

Haven’t you heard? Fanny packs are NOT just a fad.

When I finally fall in love, I want there to be fireworks (& another person).
@MrsRupertPupkin
lauren caltagirone

 

There's gotta be one guy at every Westboro Baptist church activities meeting who's like, "I think we're getting a little off track here."
@KarenKilgariff
Karen Kilgariff

 

Pretty sure all the Step Up movies are made by an intern with a studio credit card no one is keeping track of.
@albz
albertina rizzo

 

If you watch Hoarders backwards it's about this terrible company 1-800-GOT-JUNK that fills peoples' houses with garbage & rotten food.
@drewtoothpaste
drewtoothpaste

 

Just planted a bunch of dead horses on the set of THE NEWSROOM. Fingers crossed!
@thepatrickwalsh
Patrick Walsh

Yeah, good “Luck” with that.

I've found there are actually some very talented drummers on subway platforms that hate having their buckets kicked onto the train tracks.
@EliTerry
Eli Terry

 

unfollow me if you truly believe that top gun is a better jet movie than iron eagle. if top gun is so great, why didn't they make 4 of them?
@danieltosh
daniel tosh

 

An organization made entirely of men that wear scarfs and sow badges onto vests won’t let gays join
@ixSEANxi
Sean Gabay

 

Delonte West called Dez Bryant's mom to ask if she needs some "healing."

 

Talk to me, loser.