Bachelorette Breakdown – Week 7

The Bachelorette is down to the Final Four, people! This is where the show starts to get really interesting. The breakups are better, the dates are more intense, and the guys are as dramatic as ever. Let’s fill out our brackets for this week’s Bachelorette Breakdown!

For some of our male readers, I think we should break down the final four guys in a format that they can understand: NCAA basketball.

Arie is like the North Carolina Tarheels

A favorite from the start, you knew he was going to make a long run in the tournament. It’s still an accomplishment that he made the final four, but you would have been surprised if he didn’t.

Sean is like the Kansas Jayhawks

He didn’t do anything amazing the whole show (or didn’t blow out teams throughout the tournament) but he put in a solid enough performance every week to get to the next round. While he probably won’t win, you wouldn’t bet against him.

Jef is like the VCU Rams in 2011

Coming in on a skateboard (or an 11 seed), you would think that Emily would have written him off early as someone who is not ready to become a father, but here we are.

Chris is like some team that made the final four because they got the other teams disqualified for cheating

I still can’t get over him interrupting the rose ceremony to plead with Emily to keep him around. Come on man have some dignity.

 A few random thoughts before we get to our performance grades…

– Why do they do the hometown dates? I understand that The Bachelorette needs to meet her possible future husband’s family at some point and that it provides some good drama, but I would be more interested in seeing these guys’ daily lives. Wouldn’t it be fascinating to see where they live, work, and hang out? Wouldn’t that be more important to Emily’s future than what their parents’ houses look like? Now I’m not saying we get rid of hometown dates entirely, but they should also include a “real life” date. They could combine them into a four-hour super episode. That may sound long but you can’t tell me you wouldn’t watch it. I’m just trying to make the show better, that’s all. Like Larry David, I’m an improver, not an inventor.

And now a look at those that left us…

Chris– The best part is that in Chris’ head, he and Emily were already married. I was hoping that he would have told his parents that and we could have seen a conversation between Emily and Chris’ father that went something like this:

Dad- “So you love my son and he win TV program. You marry in backyard and live in basement yes?”

Emily- Yes, Chris is a very nice man (having not understood a word he just said).

The good news about Chris going home is that he is off the show. The other good news is that now we have lost him things are starting to get much more interesting. We all knew he was gone this week, but who will it be next week?

And now our weekly performance grades and predictions…

Arie– Everytime I think that Arie has this show wrapped up Emily starts talking about how much she likes someone else. Arie had a strong performance at home and it is clear that Emily likes race car drivers. Arie gets an A this week and I’m picking him to win it all.

Sean– Sean is not going to win. Sorry all you ladies that think he is the perfect man, but Sean is a goon. Emily has talked at length about how she loves a guy that can make her laugh and Sean is not funny. He is a gentleman but he has not said or did one funny thing this entire show. The closest he has come with his little prank by telling Emily that he still lived at home. Did you see Emily laughing after? No, that’s because it wasn’t funny and neither is Sean.

In the last rose ceremony with Emily picking three guys, the order in which she called them was extremely important. Obviously the first one called is always telling, but then she had to make a decision of who she wanted to make sweat for the last rose. She chose Sean. That isn’t a good sign for Sean and my prediction is that this week will be his last. A- for Sean this week.

Jef– I’m just going to call him Jef now. He’s earned it. Initially, I thought he wouldn’t be around very long so calling him Jef with one F was funny at the time, but now it is just getting old. Jef’s hometown date was probably the most interesting with his parents off doing “charity work” in South Carolina. Jef has been the upset of the century this season. I honestly thought he wouldn’t make it past the first night. Oh you’re looking for a father for your child? I’ll show up in skinny jeans riding a skateboard to show how mature I am! He has proved me and the rest of America wrong and I predict a final two showdown between him and Arie with Arie winning. Jef gets an A this week.

Something to keep in mind about this last rose ceremony and next week’s show is that the final three get the overnight dates. This means that Emily not only thought about who she wants to keep for next week, but also who she wants to sleep with. I am so excited to see Emily explain to Ricki that she won’t be coming home tonight, but she can sleep in mommy’s bed while she’s gone.

If you like the Bachelorette Breakdown please leave comments and share with your friends!

7 thoughts on “Bachelorette Breakdown – Week 7”

  1. I, too, have changed my mind about Jef, That letter completely won me over. But I will never accept the one f. How the freak do you spell Jeffrey with one f?! I bet when he became a hipster he changed it to something sweet like Jefri so he wouldn’t be so mainstream.

  2. So funny once again! I guess you’re right about Sean but I hadn’t noticed that he’s not funny. He seems so nice. The room prank was just bizarre but he got me good! I was horrified!! I’m liking Jef a lot more but I can’t get past his hair.. and skateboard… and skinny jeans. Being filthy rich is an attractive quality, though, so that helps him out. Has anyone else noticed that every time Ari gets in trouble or doesn’t know what to say they just start kissing? Red flag Emily! When the passion wanes, you’ll be stuck with a guy that has nothing to say. My prediction is that it comes down to Ari and Sean but Sean wins cuz I don’t think Emily’s very funny either so they will be fine together. My secret wish is that Jef wins cuz then it will be more interesting for the rest of us to follow and we may run into each other in Utah!!.

  3. NO way! I think she is totally going to pick Jef. I think she likes his family…and he’s loaded. Arie’s family was weird. I just think the only thing she is going to miss about him is kissing him…she really likes kissing him. Hahaha. Jef has it in the bag though.

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  5. Okay I’m a week late because I was on a trip. I still haven’t seen yesterdays episode. But brad- I agree with you on all fronts. I was pretty stoked to understand all the final four references too. But sean is a total snorefest to me. Jef has surprised me and I think he’ll be a close second, but I think she’s loved arie from the start!

Talk to me, loser.